'Wild and crazy' Mitt willing to have waterskiing competition with Obama

(BuzzFeed) It's not that Mitt Romney's aloof or out of touch. It's just that OH MY GOD IS THIS GUY TRYING TO TORTURE US:

Hopelessly Generic Fox News Guy #12: Does it bug you though, on the campaign trail itself, um, that you're portrayed as just not hip. You can't sing, you said yourself you're not cool, the president's cool, he can sing, it almost makes me wonder whether you need a hip or cool running mate.

Romney: Ha ha. I think I can sing, c'mon Neil, ha ha.

Hopelessly Generic Fox News Guy #12, Now Identified as Neil: Well you're better than me, but then again everyone is'

Romney: I'll be happy to a sing off, look, I'll, [...], I'll do a sing off, you know, and, you know, I'll, I don't think I'll play the president a round of golf but I'll be happy to take him through a waterski course, ah, I mean we have different, ah, different skills and different interests and different hobbies, I must admit that my kids and my grandkids are my hobby, and consume a lot of my interest and attention, but ah, people are going to get to know me better, and you know Ann says there's a wild and crazy guy locked up inside of me'

Hopelessly Generic Brown-Nosing Fox News Neil #12: She has said that!

Romney: 'Now and then I let him out.

You don't challenge someone to a "sing off" or a waterskiing competition, you're running for president for Pete's sake! Have we learned nothing from the conservative tarring and feathering John Kerry got for admitting he liked windsurfing? That's like something out of one of those movies where the rich, snobby kid dares the lower-class hero kid to a skiing duel, and the winner gets the oil drilling rights under Favorite Local Teen Hangout. Or like that episode of Happy Days where some obnoxious local tools challenge Fonzie to waterski over a'well, same thing.

And you certainly don't point to the prospect of a sing-off or waterskiing duel as evidence of you being a "wild and crazy guy." Having a sing-off is never wild and crazy. I'm sorry, it's just not. Neither is competitive waterskiing. Oh yeah, I went there.

Remember: Pretending to like corn dogs and "cheesy grits": good. Bringing up water sports of any kind, with the possible exception of Old Abandoned Quarry Beer Pong: bad. Campaign pandering is a very, very delicate game.