GOP Madness 2012, Round 1, Match 10

The bracket thus far is here. Today's winner will face off in the second round against Santorum's gag reflex whenever he hears about JFK.

1. RICK PERRY SPEECHIFIES WHILE DRUNK. OR HIGH.

Just watch it. No other words will ever do it justice, except to say this: if you have to deny being on drugs or drunk after giving a speech, you gave a really shitty speech. In this case, it was epic.

2. ANN ROMNEY HAS LOTS OF CADILLACS

"Ann has a bunch of these!" Mitt Romney has a problem'every time he goes off script, he reminds everyone just how different he and his family are from the rest of us. This was him, trying to "relate" to Michiganders at that Ford Field fiasco speech:

This feels good, being back in Michigan. You know, the trees are the right height. The streets are just right. I like the fact that most of the cars I see are Detroit-made automobiles. I drive a Mustang and a Chevy pick-up truck. Ann drives a couple of Cadillacs, actually.

So relatable! I mean, who doesn't have multiple luxury SUVs in their stable? I bet you $10,000 that most people do! Well, the ones who are real Americans, anyway.

Attempting to stem the damage of yet another unforced error, the Romney campaign said it was only natural for Ann to have all those cars because the Romneys have all those houses all over the country! That response probably came from the same genius that gave us "Etch a Sketch", because when only 29 percent of Americans think Romney "understands the needs of people like you" (per Pew Research), and when the emerging media narrative suggests that you're too rich to relate to the common folk, the last thing you want to do is rub your wealth under their nose.