Catholic Church accidentally buys a gay sauna

What kind of gay sauna would Jesus buy? Don't you just hate when this happens?

A day ahead of the papal conclave, faces at the scandal-struck Vatican were even redder than usual after it emerged that the Holy See had purchased a '23 million (£21 million) share of a Rome apartment block that houses Europe's biggest gay sauna.

Oh, how very awkward. While the Church is busy spending so much of its time shaking its bejeweled fist at The Gays, turns out the Church accidentally'accidentally, you guys, accidentally!'invested in some fabulous gay real estate. So how did this happen?

The senior Vatican figure sweating the most due to the unlikely proximity of the gay Europa Multiclub is probably Cardinal Ivan Dias, the head of the Congregation for Evangelisation of Peoples, who is due to participate in tomorrow's election at the Sistine Chapel.

This 76-year-old 'prince of the church' enjoys a 12-room apartment on the first-floor of the imposing palazzo, at 2 Via Carducci, just yards from the ground floor entrance to the steamy flesh pot. There are 18 other Vatican apartments in the block, many of which house priests.

A 12-room apartment for one dude sure seems pretty posh, doesn't it? Especially a dude who supposedly took a vow of poverty? Guess if he hadn't, it would be a 24-room apartment, eh? At least it sounds like the perfect investment for the Church:

The sauna's website promotes one of its special 'bear nights', with a video in which a rotund, hairy man strips down before changing into a priest's outfit. It says Bruno, 'a hairy, overweight pastor of souls, is free to the music of his clergyman, remaining in a thong, because he wants to expose body and soul'.

What a fortuitous accident.