Hello, human diary. It is I again, Mitt Romney, your better. Today has not been a good day. I mentioned before that the previous Republican occupant of the White House had endorsed me; for some reason this led to me having to have a phone conversation with him today. I am still unclear why. He is a nice enough fellow, and I attempted to bond with him over our mutual love of elevators, and riding in elevators, and putting things into elevators. I believe he enjoyed my banter. (I also invited him to come view our many fine horses, but he was strangely quiet during that part of the conversation.)
I mentioned to an audience of commoners yesterday that if my wife and I were going to move to any place in America, I would move to their state. This was a brilliant move on my part, especially because I was able to correctly remember which state I was in at the time. Note to self: Do not repeat this trick too often, when reporter units are present.
Speaking of reporter units, Eric F. has instituted a new plan. The old plan was to block them from attending certain events or asking questions; they responded to this in a negative fashion. The new plan is for me to engage them in human banter. My understanding is that I need to appear likable, even though few of these reporters are in my peer group when it comes to wealth or the number of sports team owners they are acquainted with. I told several of them they were the wrong height; they appeared to take this as a joke, which further confuses me.
Nonetheless, I am determined to impress the American common class with my wit and banter capabilities. I have practiced ceaselessly, and believe I am improving rapidly.
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