The Chronicles of Mitt: Oct 29, 2012

  Hello, human diary. It is I again, Mitt Romney, your better.

I have good news to report, Mr. Diary! Several days ago I had dispatched my primary offspring, Tagg, for a bus tour of various locations. This morning, he sent me a photograph via his telephone. It was of the undercarriage of the bus he was riding in. Though dirty, two words could be clearly seen painted on said undercarriage, in large, orange letters: TAGG ROCKS.

Tagg has found my original campaign bus! Mr. Bus has returned to us!

I was so happy that I declared to my staff that I would be taking the rest of the day off. They initially objected, but soon decided that they could assert that I was canceling those events because of the current hurricane. I quickly sent one of my staffers to meet Mr. Bus, and instructed him to remain with Mr. Bus for the remainder of the campaign. I informed him that if Mr. Bus is misplaced again, he shall be fired many, many times.

Eric F. was I believe surprised at my preoccupation with the rediscovery of Mr. Bus, but soon came up with a clever idea. We shall load up Mr. Bus with canned foods and other provisions that commoners in the path of the hurricane may desire, and then we shall send Mr. Bus to deliver those provisions to them after the hurricane is safely over. This will demonstrate to the commoners that I have both compassion and access to a large bus, both of which I believe will impress them. We have sent word to my supporters that we will be collecting those items at an assortment of campaign locations. (While I could easily pay for such aid myself, I believe commoners should largely take the initiative in helping other commoners, and I did not become wealthy by buying foodstuffs for commoners.)

I believe this may be my most successful demonstration of compassion yet. When all hope is lost, and these commoners find their lives in ruin, their yards rendered unkempt and their housekeeping staff unable to commute so as to perform their scheduled duties, from over a nearby hilltop shall come Mr. Bus, with my name prominently displayed on every side, and shall deliver to them creamed corn and possibly some beans.