Hello, human diary! Mitt Romney here again, in order to put things into you. This business about practicing human emotions every day is already getting a bit tedious, Mr. Diary. I get enough of that on the campaign trail, I am not certain why my advisers are so insistent I practice in this written form as well.
Things today at Liberty University went remarkably well, in that I did not at any point have to flee from an angry religious mob during or after my speech. Now I know what it would be like to have dinner at Rick Santorum's house, ha ha! (Note to self: never have dinner at Rick Santorum's house. I do not trust that fellow, and it seems like touching anything in their home would give me a rash.)
The campaign rope lines are going smoothly, with some notable exceptions. Upon kissing a baby I, needing some momentary banter, told the parents that it looked like their child had come from 7-11. Their reaction was more subdued than I had expected. Eric F. suggests that I no longer bring up 7-11 in any context. I thought I was supposed to offer witty quips in order to better forge a bond with these common folks? I will never understand campaign logic. Also, that baby was hideously ugly.
After a recent Fox News interview with Neil Cavorto-something, I am also no longer allowed to mention water skiing. I merely suggested that I would be happy to take on the current President of the United States in some sort of water-ski-related competition: I at no point suggested we wager on it or anything of the sort, after being told that my usual suggested wagers of $10,000 might also be seen as out of touch (Too cheap, perhaps? This is what we always wagered, back at tranquil Cranbrook, but I suppose times have changed.) I do not know why Eric F. insists I not talk about water skiing, however. I would think the American public would be quite satisfied to know that I am water-resistant.
That is all for now, Mr. Diary. There is good news on the adviser front, as I have been managing to collect more and more policy advisers from the ranks of the George W. Bush administration. Most of them seem astonishingly dim people, but the good news is that they were quite hard up for work and therefore extremely inexpensive. I look forward to downsizing most of them later on.
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