GOP Madness, Round 1, Match 13

The bracket thus far is here. Today's winner will face off in the second round against Herman Cain's claims that he didn't molest thousands of other women.

1. DONALD TRUMP GOES BIRTHER

(Joshua Roberts / Reuters)

It was early 2011, when the best the GOP field could muster was the likes of Mitt Romney, Tim Pawlenty, and a handful of fringe nobodies. It was impossible to think of the GOP race without stifling a yawn. Heck, I'm having a hard time writing about it without stifling a yawn. (Too late, the yawn came out.)

So you could forgive the political media world for getting excited about Donald Trump's flirtation with a presidential bid, and GOP voters flirted right back. Heck, they were delighted, since Trump's entire candidacy revolved around overt birtherism.

I am really concerned. And I will tell you, when this all started a week ago, I assumed, hey, look, you have no doctors that remember. You have no nurses - this is the President of the United States - that remember. That ad that was placed in the Houston paper, that was placed in the paper days after he was born. So he could have come into the country, and they did it for social reasons they put it in! They did it for whatever reason. There are a lot of reasons you could have put an ad in. But he could have been born outside of this country. Why can't he produce a birth certificate and by the way, there is one story that his family doesn't even know what hospital he was born in!

Republican voters rewarded such bold birtherism by giving Trump a lead in an early April 14, 2011 PPP poll.

Donald Trump 26
Mike Huckabee 17
Mitt Romney 15
Newt Gingrich 11
Sarah Palin 8

Two crazy weeks later, the White House released the long-form birth certificate, thus crushing any rationale for a Trump bid. He tried to pivot away:

It was never my main issue. It was jobs and the economy and stopping other countries from destroying the United States economically.

But it was too late. He had become a political laughing stock, and was even the butt of Obama's jokes:

Obama poked fun at Trump as they attended Saturday night's White House Correspondents' Assn. dinner.

"No one is happier, no one is prouder to put this birth certificate matter to rest than The Donald," Obama told the crowd in the traditional comedy routine delivered by the president. "And that's because he can finally get back to focusing on the issues that matter ' like, did we fake the moon landing?"

TV cameras showed Trump not looking amused. Trump said Sunday he was surprised at "the volume" of jokes aimed at him [...]

You play a joker on a national stage, people laugh at you. That's how it works.

But that's not all! A few days after that White House Correspondents Dinner, Obama got to interrupt the much hyped season opener of Trump's Celebrity Apprentice with ... news that Osama Bin Laden had been killed. And that was the end of Trump.

2. MITT ROMNEY'S BFFs

Wait, you don't own a team? Then why am I talking to you? (John Gress/Reuters) Mitt Romney, trying to connect with regular human beings at the Daytona 500:

Asked by an Associated Press reporter as he was greeting NASCAR fans whether he follows the sport, Romney said: 'Not as closely as some of the most ardent fans. But I have some great friends that are NASCAR team owners.'

For someone battling the image of being out-of-touch with the concerns of average Americans, the remarks were so damaging that even he admitted he screwed up:

During a stop at his campaign headquarters in Livonia, Mich., a reporter asked Romney whether he realized that comments accentuating his wealth were hurting his campaign.

"Yes. Next question," Romney simply stated.

Now a good politician might have learned his lesson and made sure it didn't happen again. But Romney isn't a good politician. Here he was, a couple of months later, answering softball question about where Peyton Manning should end up:

"Well, you know I'm surprised to hear that Denver's thinking about him, they're -- I don't want him in our neck of the woods to Miami or to the Jets," Romney said. "But I've got a lot of good friends, the owner Miami Dolphins, and the New York Jets ' both owners are friends of mine. But let's keep him away from New England, so Tom Brady has a better chance of picking up a championship."

Sigh. Mittens keeps forgetting he's running for president of the United States, and not president of his country club's board of directors where such name-dropping would be a huge hit.

How absurd did Romney sound? Hunter channeled him to perfection:

"Yes! I also enjoy sporting competitions! My friends and I like to purchase and sell teams. NASCAR teams, NFL teams ... you know. Sporting things. Why, one of my friends is attempting to start a new sporting event that combines football with yacht racing. The end zones shall be New York and the white cliffs of Dover, and we shall each place wagers of ten thousand dollars on the outcome."