Hello, human diary. It is I again, Mitt Romney, your better. Today I went shopping, Mr. Diary, just as all normal human units do. I purchased normal commoner products, such as corn. Corn is an excellent product to buy, because everyone likes corn, even poor people. I also bought several kinds of diet soda and individually packaged units of water, so we are prepared for quite the barbecue event this evening.
The only agenda for today is a meeting with my various advisers. We are going to talk about foreign policy, domestic policy, and our vice presidential policy, thus the need for ample quantities of soda. In addition, Mr. Bolton gave me a list of things he would require for his foreign policy demonstration, so it was also necessary to visit a hardware store. He was quite insistent, for example, that I bring him a new bucket. That fellow truly loves buckets, I must say!
We have still not come to a satisfactory conclusion with regards to our most pressing campaign question, which is whether, when we eventually chose a vice presidential unit, I shall be forced to travel with them. We intend to vet each of these candidates thoroughly and scientifically, probably by feeding each of them a can of beans and determining which of them would be least objectionable to be trapped on a moving vehicle with afterwards. They also will need to show America their tax returns, which would solve the problem of so many in the press demanding to see tax returns.
I am glad I was able to experience shopping again, Mr. Diary. Because of the tremendous drought in many states, I believe I have purchased two of the last ears of corn available in America. I cannot wait to see my advisers battle for them. My money is on that Bolton fellow, because he seems seriously unhinged.
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