Friday, May 4, 2012

WWJCD: A roadmap for Republican swiftboaters

The GOP's pathetic attempt at swift boating President Obama over the raid on bin Laden I don't normally give advice to Republicans, but when I saw the newest swift boat attack ad to come from a Republican front-group, I couldn't resist. The problem with the ad, which comes from a one-man Koch-funded organization called "Vets For a Strong America" isn't that it is based on a totally false premise. Any effective swift boating must be based on a lie. The problem is that it lies about the wrong thing.

If you've seen the ad, you know it claims that President Obama never thanked the heroes who took out bin Laden'that he took all the credit for himself. That's patently false. But as I said, even though that's a lie, it's lying about the wrong thing, because the best case scenario with the ad is that people who see it are convinced that Obama is a dick...but even if they are convinced he's a dick, he'd still be the dick who killed bin Laden.

And the last thing you want to do is talk about how President Obama killed bin Laden. It would be as if the swift boaters in 2004 had acknowledged John Kerry's heroism. You just can't do it.

But it's easier to say what's wrong with the ad than to say what the swift boaters should have done instead. And to answer that question, I needed inspiration. And for that inspiration, I asked myself the question that any good God-fearing Republican operative asks themselves: WWJCD?

What would Jerome Corsi do?

The answer came to me immediately. Jerome Corsi wouldn't fuck around with some piddly little ad calling Obama a dick. He'd go straight to the heart of the matter and ask the big question: why hasn't anybody seen Osama bin Laden's dead body? Why was he buried at sea? Where is the death certificate? Why hasn't anybody come forward to say they spoke with him in the afterlife?

In short, the question Jerome Corsi would ask is this: why should anybody really believe that Osama bin Laden is dead? Today's swift boaters keep on asking why President Obama keeps on spiking the football. Well, that's a bad question to ask if you concede he scored a touchdown. So Republicans should do what Jereme Corsi would do and point out that Obama cannot prove that Osama bin Laden is really dead.

He's probably alive and well. In Hawaii, perhaps. Or maybe even Kenya. Hidden with Obama's birth certificate. The real birth certificate.


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