The Chronicles of Mitt: July 9, 2012

  Hello, human diary. It is I, Mitt Romney, your better.

There has been much hullabaloo over my vast wealth lately. I do not see what all the fuss is about; nonetheless, reporter units are now expressing skepticism over how I could have saved over one hundred million dollars in my Individual Retirement Account. Apparently, that is considered an unusual event? I think this is yet another example of the class divide between we wealthy Americans and the commoner units. If the commoners wanted to have Individual Retirement Accounts worth over one hundred million dollars, all they need to do is place one hundred million dollars in them. Or, technically speaking, to put things in them whose eventual valuation would be over one hundred million dollars, without actually ever claiming them at anywhere near that value when placing them in the account, due to severe tax complications involved, which may require the use of offshore shell accounts or other manipulations'but any commoner ought to be able to find an investment team that can guide them through the process.

That seems to be the main difference between wealth units and commoner units, Mr. Diary: better tax advice. That, and cars that are parked at the wrong height.

Other than that there is not much to report. During the holiday week I engaged in watersport. There is no progress on the vice presidential front. The bus has been in for a thorough medical examination, thanks to my new program, RomneyCare 2, and received a clean bill of health from the bus doctors. My inquiries as to how to fire the Supreme Court have not, as of yet, been answered to my satisfaction.

Now the holiday week is over; it is back to "the grind," as the commoner units say. I believe they call it the grind because they lack sufficient oil. I have always found the friendship of wealthy oil industry tycoons to be quite beneficial; perhaps the commoners simply need to acquire better friends.