Saturday, June 16, 2012

The Chronicles of Mitt: June 15, 2012

pen on paper: 'Dear diary'   Hello again, human diary. It is I, Mitt Romney, your better.

Today has been quite a busy day on the campaign trail, Mr. Diary. On the policy front, my opponent somewhat surprised us with a new immigration policy that sounds much like the one championed by Republican ethnic unit Marco Rubio. After a few hours of hurried discussion, my advisers and I determined that I do not like this new policy. I have now instructed them to form a new task force to determine why I do not like it; I am hoping to have their preliminary answers before the summer is out.

Today I also officially began my multi-day bus trip through an assortment of American states. I must confess I had some trepidation, as buses are generally for commoners or musical groups appreciated primarily by commoners, but so far I am quite enjoying this. For starters, That Palin person was correct'it is rather satisfying to travel around in a vehicle with your own name plastered prominently upon it. The bus itself is quite comfortable, and I am already beginning to bond with my new mechanical friend.

In an attempt to put myself at ease in this new, foreign environment, I began to make an impromptu list of the more admirable qualities of this bus. It is emotionless, but hard working. While it tends to move stiffly and awkwardly, it clearly has more monetary value than most other vehicles on the road. It has no opinions of its own, but acts solely as an empty shell in which other people's opinions can be safely, albeit temporarily, transported. In many ways, this bus and I are kindred spirits.

As has now become our campaign tradition of sorts, we launched this newest phase of the campaign from a lovely New Hampshire farm protected from development with the intolerable assistance of federal tax dollars. It is named Scamman Farm, which has become a little inside joke between myself and my staff.


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