Cheers and Jeers: Rum and Coke FRIDAY!

From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE'

Things I Pledge to Do for Mother Earth

Sunday is the 42nd Earth Day, a worldwide event we celebrate every year to remind ourselves that we're the biggest parasites on the third rock from the sun. To mark the occasion, this year I pledge to'

Change the channel any time one of those dishonest oil company commercials claiming environmental responsibility comes on.

Save water in my house by doing laundry at my neighbors' house while they're at work.

Rent a chopper and drop thousands of large plastic bins over the city to remind people that Portland recycles.

Fart only on odd-numbered days. (This one'll be tough. I may need to attend support group meetings.)

Retrofit the car with hybrid technology so it only runs on gas when the team of kittens gets too tired to pull it.

Use only the sun and a magnifying glass to light up my bong. Er'uh'"water pipe."

Restrict my use of "fracking" to its handiness as an adjective paired with the word "idiots" to describe people who displease me.

Contribute to healthy forests by teaching tea partiers that watering trees with the blood of tyrants actually kills them. Fracking idiots.

Help save the whales by hiding as many as I can in the basement washtub.

Close down tar sands sites by making spooky noises so the owners think they're haunted and run away.

Dispose of my spent fuel rods properly instead of selling them as glowsticks at raves.

Start a coral reef in my bathtub for eventual relocation off the Florida coast.

Or maybe I'll just do this instead.

Your west coast-friendly edition of  Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]