You have your polls, Dick Morris has THE ONE TRUE poll

They forgot the scare quotes around "analyst." Dick Morris is my favorite right-wing hack, by far. He's not just wrong all the time'a distinction shared by pretty much the entire right-wing punditry, but he's spectacularly and oftentimes bizarrely wrong. Just follow the link above to see what I'm talking about.

And yes, he's back with more.

You see, it's tough being a Republican these days, what with their crappy unlikeable presidential nominee who can't catch a break in the polling. Meanwhile, $100 million in Super PAC attack ads have done nothing to dent Pres. Barack Obama's lead. In fact, it's been quite the opposite.

If you're a Republican trying to fire up the troops, how do you spin that? Well, you can argue that the real campaign doesn't start until after Labor Day. You can argue that this year will be like 1980, when Pres. Ronald Reagan surged late, as opposed to 2004, when the incumbent fended off an unlikeable challenger. You can argue that the election remains close enough that a small shift can dramatically change the race's dynamics. Or you can argue that the lack of economic recovery and maybe gas prices will have more of an impact later this year than current polling suggests.

Those arguments all have little to recommend them, but at least they are plausible. Therefore, Dick Morris is staying the hell away from them.

The media is trying to create a sense of momentum and of inevitability about the Obama candidacy. One benighted Newsweek reporter even speculated about a possible Democratic landslide.

On Friday, I saw the real numbers. These state-by-state polls, taken by an organization I trust (after forty years of polling) show the real story.

The rest of the column is hilarious nonsense, of course. Did you know that Romney will probably win New Jersey and Minnesota?

But anyone who claims that any single mystery poll is THE TRUTH, unlike the hundreds of other public polls this cycle, is as full of shit as that one guy who once said you had your math, but he had THE math.