Romney team valiantly trying to make convention boring

Having fun yet, Mitt? If you thought Mitt Romney had a hard time appeasing all the Republican factions and egos with his pick for vice president, just think about what a nightmare he's got with the convention. Do you actually expose Michele Bachmann to a national audience? Rick Perry? ("There are three great reasons to vote for Romney. There's . . . let's see . . . there's . . . What was I thinking of?")

Well, it looks like they're avoiding any more Rick Perry gaffes, and Bachmann has decided she'll be having a "unity ralley" at a megachurch near the convention center. That leaves the Romney team to figure out how to deal with Newt Gingrich, Herman Cain, and Donald Trump, not to mention everbody's favorite half-governor. Newt doesn't get a prime time speaking slot. Newt doesn't get any slot. They've scheduled him to conduct workshops they're calling Newt University. Sort of like an extremists' petting zoo.

If Trump doesn't get his slot, he's got a good reason. He's just so damned popular he might not have time to be there.

'The Republican Party in Sarasota'you've probably heard of this'they're giving me the Statesman of the Year award,' he said, adding that he did not want to overextend himself. (As quantitative proof of his popularity, Mr. Trump's spokeswoman called immediately after the interview to note that he has 1.4 million Twitter followers, a number that she said is growing by about 40,000 a week.)

There's actually the thought in the party that if they let Trump speak, they can control what he says on the stage. Hahahahaha!

Then there's the Trump-sized ego who is Herman Cain. He's promising to raise, well Cain, to represent the teabaggers, who he thinks don't get enough respect.

'Based upon having done hundreds of speeches and based upon the reaction from those various audiences,' he said, 'me speaking at the convention could offer, No. 1, some enthusiasm. No. 2, some inspiration to get past any differences that still exist amongst various groups. And let's be honest, it's there. We're not a homogeneous party yet.'

And nobody knows what in the hell to do with Palin. If they don't invite her, she'll probably just crash the damned party anyway. If they do invite her, how do they keep her from sucking up all the oxygen in the great Tampa area? You think she's going to let Mitt Romney get all the attention?

Against all odds, with Romney as the nominee, it's looking like the Republican convention might turn out to be kind of interesting to watch, in a train wreck kind of way.