Republican National Convention Schedule, Day 2: We Built That (Debt)

Today is the second day of the Republican National Convention. The theme today will be We Built That, with That being an ambiguous reference to whatever you imagine it might be, anything from giant sentient robots to the banking industry of the Cayman Islands to the worst economic downturn since the Great Depression to the taxpayer-funded locale you might be celebrating your We Built That rally in. It's open to interpretation.

• 2:00 pm - 6:40 pm  Today's official events will start up at 2:00pm ET, and will begin with a four and a half hour attempt to murder C-SPAN viewers via an intense program of ritualized dullness. After the Pledge of Allegiance, the National Anthem, and the opening invocation, most of the afternoon will be taken up with various party functionaries making various speeches. Among the speakers: Clinton-era crazy person Barbara Comstock, official guy who talks about Mitt Romney on television John Sununu, Gov. Bob McDonnell and Rep. Marsha Blackburn.
• The Roll Call by states is expected during the latter half of the afternoon. There have been mutterings of trying to tighten the process up from the usual state-by-state ode to self-praise and hilarious hats, due in no small part to the supposition that Ron Paul supporters were going to make a ruckus. We'll see what they come up with.
• 7:00 pm  After a brief 20-minute recess, the main event gets underway at 7:00 Eastern. The first hour will feature speeches by actress Janine Turner, who was in that thing, and by unGoogleable ex-candidate Rick Santorum. After that, the rest of the evening seems to be scheduled in rough order of how badly things might suck if they go off-script.
• At around 8:00 pm, we start ramping things up. Sen. Kelly Ayotte will kick things off for this round, to be followed by Gov. John Kasich, Gov. Bob McDonnell (again), and Gov. Scott Walker, who is apparently reasonably confident that the people of Wisconsin will allow him back in the state when he's finished. Being a Republican governor seems to be an automatic ticket to a speaking slot at the convention, because over the next few nights we'll be hearing from a whole bunch of them.
• Around 9:00 pm, remarks by Gov. Brian Sandoval close off Gov-a-palooza (for now), then it's off to the races. Spectacularly nutty Ted Cruz will go off on a rant about something, followed by a bit of crackpottism from Artur Davis, followed by Gov. Nikki Haley trying to dial things back, and good luck with that. All of this is apparently to get the tea partiers drunk and happy enough to tolerate ...
• The 10:00 pm appearance of Ann Romney, whose speech "humanizing" Mitt Romney is so vitally important that Republicans were willing to juggle the whole convention schedule when the networks balked at televising it during its original Monday slot. Ann will spend some time telling the world how gosh-darn likable Mitt is, and how you'd all understand that if you weren't such simple little parasites. The night will then end on a completely opposite note, with the light and humanizing speech of Ann Romney leading directly into a fire-and-brimstone effort by Gov. Chris Christie, who will remind the delegates that even though we're spending millions of dollars making Mitt Romney look compassionate and likable, true Republicanism means screwing the little people and screwing them hard. Then the event will close for the evening with an entirely unironic prayer.