Mitt Romney admits he is a robot. And says he still won't release his tax returns.

Just to be clear, this is not from The Onion. It's from a real interview with Mitt "Corporations Are People" Romney'a Bloomberg/Businessweek exclusive, no less.

BLOOMBERG/BUSINESSWEEK: Let's frame the issue around your tax returns in a slightly different way. If you're an investor and you're looking at a company, and that company says that its great strength is wise management and fiscal know-how, wouldn't you want to see the previous, say, five years' worth of its financials?

ROMNEY: I'm not a business. [Four sentences of boilerplate Romneybot tax return spin.] Thanks, guys. Goodbye.

So Mitt Romney believes:

1. Corporations are people, my friend; and
2. That he is not a business; therefore
3. Mitt Romney is in fact a robot, not a person.

And as everybody knows, there's absolutely no precedent for robot presidential candidates to release any of their tax returns from before 2010 no matter how many Swiss bank accounts or Caribbean shell corporations they may have.

So all you little people out there, you all need to stop holding Mr. Romneybot to this outrageous double standard. Got it? Good. Thanks, guys. Goodbye.