Conservative media watchdog asks: 'Black Socialist Pope to Follow Black Socialist President?'

The entire conservative movement is nuts. Every damn one of them. When even the heads of their big, supposedly serious outlets spend their days doing little else but dreaming up new paranoid conspiracy theories (looking at you, Wayne LaPierre), there's just no conclusion other than the obvious one: Conservatism is just another name for batshit crazy:

Accuracy In Media director Cliff Kincaid yesterday warned that allies of George Soros and President Obama are attempting to pick the next pope. Kincaid warns that a 'group of radicals' in the 'left-wing lobby in the U.S.' are trying to engineer the selection of Ghanaian Cardinal Peter Turkson as Pope.

Kincaid's argument boils down to the fact that Turkson introduced a document on global financial policy which was endorsed by Stephen Schneck of Catholic University (along with Pope Benedict XVI) and attended one of Schneck's conferences in 2011.

Since Schneck supported Obama's reelection and is tied to the group Catholics in Alliance for the Common Good, naturally Kincaid has arrived at the conclusion that Soros is plotting to pick the next pope in order to 'use the Vatican in a global campaign against capitalism.'

Yep. The article is called 'Black Socialist Pope to Follow Black Socialist President?', which is the kind of headline someone like me would write in order to make them look crazy, but now they've decided not to outsource that part anymore. Now, I'm not exactly sure why George Soros (who used to run ACORN, before Agenda 21 installed manatees in all high-ranking ACORN positions) or anyone else would think of the good cardinal from Ghana as the "progressive" Catholic choice, much less the fellow who will oversee a systemic worldwide ruination of capitalism (again, you usually would pick someone from Wall Street for that job, or just call in Phil Gramm), but if any of this made sense then it wouldn't be movement conservatism. It just stands to reason that a guy who attended a conference held by a guy who liked Barack Obama better than Mitt Romney must be a secret socialist who Obama is planning in installing as pope using his secret cardinal-controlling Vatican Pope Drones. You'd be crazy to not think so.

Remember: There is absolutely nothing you can say or do that will discredit you in the eyes of the conservative movement. Absolutely nothing.