Pining for Jeb Bush is the new saddest thing ever

Just stop. I'm sorry, but I think there's a special place in punditry purgatory for anyone still pining for Jeb!' Bush, of all people, to step up and take the reins of his floundering, increasingly silly party:

The only person capable of herding the party not only in a unified direction but also a direction that can solve (or at least address) the GOP's issues ' demographic and otherwise ' is the former governor of Florida.

That doesn't mean that Bush, who is widely speculated as a potential 2016 presidential candidate, needs to decide whether or not he wants to run for president today ' or even in the next year. What it does mean is that Bush could take a few concrete steps in the next few months to help rally a dispirited party regardless of whether he ultimately wants to lead it.

What, precisely, suits Jeb freaking Bush for this job? Supposed moderation, in a party that reenacts the Salem witch trials whenever they perceive an unclean moderate might be stalking the halls of power? The powerful, cleansing force of the Bush family name'a name which Republicans, to this day, go out of their way to not mention? I realize the leadership situation in the GOP has at this point gone entirely Lord of the Flies on us, and each other, but invoking the name of not-George as a way to fix any of it almost seems like something one would do on a dare.

Let us count the pumpkins on this Halloween-decorated porch:

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