Sad America-loving conservatives already demanding secession

The next Republican action: Everybody drive
your cars only in reverse, just to spite the guy!
C'mon, we can do this!
  Aw, the party of 'Merika has an enormous post-election sad:

In the aftermath of last week's presidential election, residents in at least nineteen states have put up petitions on the government's "We the People" petitioning website seeking the right to secede from the rest of the country. [']

Petitions for secession filed from Louisiana and Texas have already received well over 10,000 signatures. Per the website's own rules, petitions that garner 25,000 signatures or more within 30 days require a response from the Obama administration.

Apparently this is the part of the conservative realization that (1) yes, the president is still a scary black man, and (2) nobody in America but them has a problem with that. There's also been some premise going around that Obama's moderateness and centrism the last four years only goes to prove how much he's going to be a crazy secret-Muslim radical during the next four years, and if you can unpack that logic, you've got me beat. I have no idea what they're going on about. Oh, and the Texas version has already topped the 25K threshold, so congratulations, Texas conservatives! You'll be getting a special note from the Obama administration suggesting where you can go!

This doesn't seem to be a purely regional thing, since even folks in Oregon and New York are piping up with their own petitions (and really, if you're an Oregon or New York conservative, I feel a good amount of pity for you, I really do). But I've said it before, and I'll say it again: This notion of conservative secession has its merits. Of course, as "True America" we'd want to attach some constraints to the separatists: no nuclear weapons, get your own damn military, and we'll be carving out territory for you that consists entirely of places close to sea level, so that you can ignore climate change from the best possible vantage point. But this sounds pretty doable, once the logistics get worked out. So what are you going to call yourselves? United Galts of America? New Jesusland? That's great, we'll send you a card.