Over 150 million Americans are on Facebook, and while only 6 percent of Facebook users get their political news from Facebook, if you're reading this, it probably means that a much higher percentage of your friends are political junkies. Here's a guide to the five different types of political friends on Facebook. Do any of them sound familiar?
1. The Republican Yapper: We all have Republican friends on Facebook. Maybe they're old classmates, maybe they're family members, maybe they're even your real, offline friends. Among them, there will inevitably be the Republican Yapper. The Republican Yapper is the one who finds it necessary to reply to every single political story you post, usually with some type of straight-off-of-FOX soundbite about "socialist Obama" or about how we shouldn't tax "job creators" even when those job creators happen to be multi-million dollar business enterprises.
This person knows you're a Democrat and a fiercely liberal one at that. What do they expect you to say when they reply to your adorable picture of Obama and Bo the Dog with "he should spend less time playing with that dog and more time lowering gas prices"?
The best case scenario is that you've grown accustomed to the inevitable response and ignore it. Worst case scenario is that one of your well-meaning friends actually dares to respond to the Yapper. This is when you leave your computer or don't check into Facebook for awhile, only to return to a 256 comment thread on the cute Bo picture you posted. The conversation has devolved into a debate between the Yapper and your poor friend about about capital loss carryover and tax rates in the 1930s. Lovely.
Like the little dog that won't stop nipping at your heel, the Republican Yapper will never stop making his views known, getting into protracted arguments with your liberal friends, or making you wish you never hovered over the red notification box.
2. The Do-Gooder Slacktivsit: Ah, the sweet innocence of actually believing everything you read on the internet. This Facebook friend loves to share with you THE OUTRAGE OF THE MOMENT. Kony video posted after watching just two minutes in? Check. That photo of two guys who skinned a cat that your friend shared TO HELP FIND THEM SOMEWHERE IN THE WORLD? Check. For every "like" a dollar gets donated to save a child? Check.
They gorge on the fast food of modern day activism'petitions and pictures with quotes on them. They share. Everything. Your feed becomes a dizzying current of puppy pound photos and Gandhi quotes. They may be an office receptionist or accountant by day, but by night (well, at lunch too, and during the workday and whenever they can sneak on Facebook on their phone), they become digital superheroes, doing their little, clickable part to save the world, one "like" at a time.
"Low-information" doesn't mean stupid. It just means that one is not plugged into the intricacies of everyday politics like you are. And with that as a barometer, the vast majority of your non-political friends are likely to fall into this category.
They're the ones who label themselves "independent." Their Facebook feed is filled with stories about how unfair it is that they have to pay taxes while the rich don't have to. They complain about their healthcare costs. They post an ALL-CAPS status update about HOW EXPENSIVE IT IS TO SEND MY KID TO COLLEGE. They posted pro-choice content during the Komen scandal, pro-environment stories about how BP hurt wildlife in the gulf (complete with pictures of poor little animals), vented their frustration at "millionaires buying elections," counted down the days until their retirement (when their Medicare would kick in), and wished that teachers got the respect they deserved.
And then, they go ahead and post something along the lines of "I don't know, Romney looks pretty good."
Their status updates provide a maddening insight into the conflicting mindset of the "swing voter." They post a story about Republicans blocking a vote on a jobs bill and complain that both parties need to be voted out. They furiously link to a story on CEO pay and then proceed to write about how maybe they'll vote Republican this election.
This type of Facebook friend is one you invest time in in the hopes that good will prevail and that they'll see the inconsistency of their ways. You gingerly comment on their story and provide links showing that, well, actually, Democrats are standing up for the middle class. You pop in now and again in their comment threads with links to Daily Kos or other sites where they can get better informed. You cross your fingers and wait for the moment when they'll "get it."
Here's hoping it happens before Election Day.
Since you're reading this post, you probably have a couple Insiders on your Facebook friends list. They may be campaign staffers, volunteers, consultants, or they may be involved in various political organizations.
Status updates around election time are likely to include "FOR THE LAST FREAKING TIME, YARD SIGNS DON'T VOTE" and "THREE MORE HOURS UNTIL THE POLLS CLOSE! GO VOTE!!!! Use our polling place lookup tool here!" They complain frequently about how early it is at work. They write often about the need for coffee. Every quarter, their updates tend to get a little more urgent ("Please donate before midnight and make me look good!").
They post ecstatic updates about things that are utterly foreign to the vast majority of people. They speak a weird language on Facebook that includes talk about "open rates," "MOE," sample sizes, PVI and more. They once posted "14.3 percent conversion rate! Happy Dance!" Their updates would be a lot more interesting if they came with a decoder ring.
Someone's thinking of running for something! Look at that gorgeous headshot as a profile photo. Look at that cover photo of something that softly whispers Americana'perhaps a sepia tone image of the local city hall or a black and white photo of community clean-up day at the park. Look at the lack of beach bikini photos and the album filled with photos of "Me and ___." Oh, look. You shook Bill Clinton's hand. Isn't that nice.
The status updates from The Future Candidate are so blissfully benign they read like the Twitter feed of someone who just filed with the FEC. "Thank you so much to the Local County Dems for a wonderful evening!" "Just had a great lunch with Important Person." "I'm honored to attend a fundraiser today for This Worthy Cause Whose Board Members Are Really Big Democratic Donors."
Do any of these Facebook friend types sound like anyone you know? What other categories would you add to the list?
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