Hello, human humans. It is I, former presidential candidate Mitt Romney, your better. I have been doing quite well since the recent elections. I have viewed several movies, and have visited the lands of Disney. While I am disappointed that Mr. McCain received the nomination of my party instead of me, it is of little consequence, because I am still a unit of far more substantive wealth than he, and am therefore more important.
One of my old staff members has informed me that I have written a book. I do not remember doing such a thing, but the fellow on my doorstep was quite insistent, and says that it is in fact quite common for politicians who have written books to not remember writing them, or what they said inside of them. This new electronically based book is apparently a compilation of my own various daily bits of wisdom and humorous anecdotes from the campaign trail. It was on that trail that I learned to interact most superbly with the common folk, and that public transportation is a fine enough thing so long as the you leave the public part out of it and focus on the transportation bits. To summarize, I am better than you.
I apparently shall see no particular profit from this book. Instead, subscriptions made to acquire it will go to a collection of job creators at something called The Daily Cos, which I first presumed was an entity dedicated towards the higher mathematics. The fellow organizing the effort, however, said that the organization was committed in particular to various social causes. I told him I was also committed to social causes, which was the reason I have been attempting to arrange for Mr. Bus, a good and historic friend of mine, to be displayed alongside the Rosa Parks bus in that museum in which the Rosa Parks bus is displayed. Alternatively, I intend to purchase the Rosa Parks bus and move it to my California home, so that my own historic bus will not be lonely.
If you wish to acquire my electronic memories of the campaign trail, you may do so by becoming a subscriber to the Daily Koch, via this webbed locator: Here.
Upon doing so, you may then download my own wisdom into your brain in any of three separate formats (PDF, Kindle, and EPUB), all available in the severe location I am currently making reference to: Here.
You may also merely donate monies to the Daley Coats, which will not entitle you to receive access to my embookened thoughts, but will still mark you as a better person than most commoners. Consider this option if you fear commitment, or if your magnanimous nature far exceeds the boundaries placed upon it by mere subscription-having: Here.
Please enjoy my various past wisdoms, whatever they once were, but please note that I am not endorsing or standing by those previous opinions in any way. I may at some point in the future decide to run for higher office again, at which time I shall specify my new opinions on such things, if I have them, which I am not saying I will, in accordance with whatever would be most electorally advantageous at the time.
Your better,
Mitt
No comments:
Post a Comment