The Chronicles of Mitt: Sept 10, 2012

  Hello, human diary. It is I, Mitt Romney, your better.

It has been some time since I have written in you, Mr. Diary. This is because I have been very busy. The conventions have come and gone, and I am officially the nominee of my party. I asked if there was a corresponding title change as a result of this elevation (for example, would I now be Dr. Mitt Romney) but my advisers said no.

Now that the primaries are, at long last, officially over, I have been spending a great deal of time preparing to have new opinions. So far I am not certain what they will be, but knowing that I am now allowed to modify them to reflect my new status is quite refreshing. I have also been visiting with the press; on a suggestion from the staff, I brought my wife with me to my most recent television interview. It worked well, as I then had to answer fewer questions in total. The press unit was respectful enough, but Paul Ryan tells me that when he recently held an interview with Fox News the press unit presented him with a cake. I enjoy cake as well, so now I feel a bit slighted.

I have been getting many questions relating to the acceptance speech I gave at the end of my convention, and why I did not specifically mention the nation of Afghanistan, where our nation is apparently still at war. I have been patiently explaining to the press that acceptance speeches typically only contain things that the candidate deems important; oddly, this does not seem to have had much impact in diminishing the criticism. I also pointed out that I believe I did mention the monies being spent for defense and how I believe we should be giving our military even more monies, and surely mentioning money is of far greater significance than mentioning persons.

My staff says things have been going well. I have not had the opportunity to watch it, but they say that Mr. Clinton, during his speech at the opposing party's convention, went into great detail as to my own budgetary plans, which was quite kind of him. By way of thanks, I have agreed to attend one of his various charity events. I have also still been hearing a great deal of talk about the magnificence of Clint Eastwood's speech on my behalf, and so have asked my staff to procure a copy of the tape so that I may enjoy it. Apparently, however, there is some licensing issue that makes that difficult. No matter; I am sure they will be able to procure it eventually.