Clint Eastwood: I meant to do that

Remember that time Clint Eastwood addressed the Republican National Convention and lost a debate to an empty chair? Of course you do, because it was only last week, and besides, no one will ever forget that moment because it was one of the most awesomely awesome things to have witnessed EVER, and that includes landing on the moon.

Turns out, Eastwood hadn't accidentally taken his Ambien early or been dropped on his head a lot or hit the Tampa bar scene with John Boehner. Nope. He meant to do that.

He meant to do that:

'There was a stool there, and some fella kept asking me if I wanted to sit down,' Eastwood said. 'When I saw the stool sitting there, it gave me the idea. I'll just put the stool out there and I'll talk to Mr. Obama and ask him why he didn't keep all of the promises he made to everybody.'

Okay. So he meant to do that once he showed up at the convention and was inspired last-minute by the empty chair. But Eastwood is a last-minute kind of guy, apparently, who didn't want to have "a written-out speech" because his big, hyped-all-week-long surprise appearance was "supposed to be a contrast with all the scripted speeches, because I'm Joe Citizen." Which is funny, because both conventions featured lots of Joe Citizens, and they had written-out speeches. Even Bill Clinton, who went way off script during his speech at the DNC, actually had a "written-out speech."

And, suffice it to say, Clint Eastwood ain't no Bill Clinton.

Still, Eastwood had a general idea of what his message would be:

'I had three points I wanted to make,' Eastwood said. 'That not everybody in Hollywood is on the left, that Obama has broken a lot of the promises he made when he took office, and that the people should feel free to get rid of any politician who's not doing a good job. But I didn't make up my mind exactly what I was going to say until I said it.'

Yes, you may have missed those points in his speech'but probably because you couldn't hear them over the sound of your own laughter and head-shaking at the bizarre spectacle, and maybe asking whoever was sitting next to you if this performance art was some sort of hoax. But that's where you'd be wrong:

'President Obama is the greatest hoax ever perpetrated on the American people,' Eastwood told The Pine Cone this week.

Please note that Clint Eastwood was not talking to an actual pine cone, but rather, the local newspaper in Carmel. As Eastwood is prone to talking to inanimate objects, this clarification is obviously necessary. Let us continue:

'Romney and Ryan would do a much better job running the country, and that's what everybody needs to know. I may have irritated a lot of the lefties, but I was aiming for people in the middle.'

That makes it all perfectly clear, doesn't it? Clint Eastwood's unscripted rambling to an empty chair was intended for people in the middle. You know, those moderate and independent thinkers who supposedly don't appreciate extremism from either side and are more easily persuaded by thoughtful, toned-down arguments of logic and reason. That's the demographic Eastwood was aiming for. And anyone who didn't love his performance is "obviously on the left." Like renowned lefty Bob Schieffer of CBS, who said it was "a big mistake to put Clint Eastwood on before Mitt Romney." What a commie!

Meanwhile, Eastwood remains convinced that he did just what he needed to do, that it appealed to all the right people, and that despite the worldwide laughing, he, as "this crazy actor who's 82 years old up there in a suit," was a perfect spokesman for Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan.

And on that one point, he's actually quite right.