Roundup: GOP outraged by Obama's executive orders on guns, but still not certain why

How dare Obama try to do ... anything. Republicans spent Tuesday announcing that whatever Obama was about to announce in order to help curb gun violence in America was "tyranny." So, did the announcement of Obama's actual executive orders quell the fears of the paranoid? Of course not, and so we spent the entirety of the day listening to generic statements about how Obama's list of seemingly not all-that-controversial small actions is, in fact, definitely still tyranny.

Notably absent in any of the statements was a specific note of which specific Obama executive orders were the outrageous ones. Are we still going to impeach Obama? For which thing, for promising to nominate an ATF director? For informing the CDC that their scientists are, in fact, allowed to at least examine the issue of gun violence? The bit about more armed security officers in schools, which was the National Rifle Association's greatest plan ever but which presumably is what Hitler would have done, now that Obama actually agreed to it? Let's run down the list of oh-so-wounded responses.

Sen. Marco Rubio:

'Nothing the President is proposing would have stopped the massacre at Sandy Hook. President Obama is targeting the 2nd Amendment rights of law-abiding citizens instead of seriously addressing the real underlying causes of such violence. Rolling back responsible citizens' rights is not the proper response to tragedies committed by criminals and the mentally ill. Making matters worse is that President Obama is again abusing his power by imposing his policies via executive fiat instead of allowing them to be debated in Congress. President Obama's frustration with our republic and the way it works doesn't give him license to ignore the Constitution.

Which orders? Where's the problem? No clue, possibly because Marco Rubio is too dumb to read through the list and decide.

Rick Perry, who is just phoning it in from Xanax-and-booze-land, at this point:

"There is evil prowling in the world - it shows up in our movies, video games and online fascinations, and finds its way into vulnerable hearts and minds. As a free people, let us choose what kind of people we will be. Laws, the only redoubt of secularism, will not suffice. Let us all return to our places of worship and pray for help. Above all, let us pray for our children.

"In fact, the piling on by the political left, and their cohorts in the media, to use the massacre of little children to advance a pre-existing political agenda that would not have saved those children, disgusts me, personally. The second amendment to the Constitution is a basic right of free people and cannot be nor will it be abridged by the executive power of this or any other president."

Yes, how outrageous that someone try to do something, as a result of a tragedy. Something other than shrugging our shoulders and going off to pray for more competent leaders, anyway.

The Republican National Committee, still run by eternal twelve year old Reince Preibus:

'President Obama's series of gun control measures amount to an executive power grab that may please his political base but will not solve the problems at hand. He paid lip service to our fundamental constitutional rights, but took actions that disregard the 2nd Amendment and the legislative process. Representative government is meant to give voice to the people; President Obama's unilateral executive action ignores this principle,' said RNC Chairman Reince Priebus.

Again, which goddamn actions are the outrageous ones? Do we have to offer a cash reward for the first yokel to tell us exactly what part of Obama's executive orders they find so damn offensive?

Murderer's Row, formerly known as the National Rifle Association:

Attacking firearms and ignoring children is not a solution to the crisis we face as a nation. Only honest, law-abiding gun owners will be affected and our children will remain vulnerable to the inevitability of more tragedy.

If you were looking for more substantive criticisms than a sniffling pout over Obama "attacking firearms" (silly Obama, everyone knows children are the real cause of gun violence, not guns), you'll have to look elsewhere.

The entire government of Mississippi, which on the bright side apparently still has a government of sorts and has not gone all Mad Max on us just yet:

Leading the charge to ignore new federal regulations is Mississippi, where the state's Republican governor and state House speaker took to the mics right after Obama finished announcing his plans and pledged to ensure the ones they don't like don't take effect in the state.

The Constitution is clear that such an effort would be illegal. Nevertheless, the Mississippi leaders say they have a plan.

Bonus points to Mississippi Gov. Phil Bryant for the nearly zenlike defense of one metric buttload of unregulated weaponry for any Mississippian that wants it: "'When it's for self protection, you need as much firepower as needed to protect your family."

Genius, that guy.

And then there's Rand Paul. Rand Paul may or may not be angling for a spot as America's dumbest senator'I don't know, I'm not privy to the Republican mind'but he wants you to know that the President's outrageous executive orders, things like nominating someone to head the ATF and maybe looking at how to let the appropriate agencies more easily share information about crazy people who really shouldn't be allowed to buy guns, this tyranny will not stand.

Sen. Rand Paul (R-KY) has a plan to undo President Obama's executive actions on guns. [']

'We only have descriptions of the executive actions, yet many could be construed to describe an attempt by the executive to make laws in violation of the Article 1, Sec. 8 of the Constitution and the 2nd Amendment,' reads the one-page summary of the Paul plan shared with TPM by his staff.

Paul's bill will set out to nullify Obama's executive actions, deny any federal funding for their implementation, and allow members of Congress and state officials to challenge the actions in court.

Which ones, among the executive orders, are the ones that "make laws in violation" of the Constitution as understood by Rand Paul? Hell if he knows'his one-page document doesn't mention a single one of them'but he's aginnit anyway. Sweet Jesus, these people have sailed so far past the shores of reality that they can't even remember what reality looks like.