Hello, human diary. It is I again, Mitt Romney, your better. I believe today we have gotten things back on track. Mini-Mitt has been dispatched to the AARP convention, under the presumption that senior citizens are the nicest and most polite people on this earth, therefore making it an unlikely place for the vice presidential unit to foul up. We released my current year of tax returns to the public, allowing them to immerse themselves in my great wealth, if only from afar. Afterwards, we are going to Las Vegas.
We decided to dispense with the more troublesome tax routines as well. I did not release them, as I do not believe the commoners should immerse themselves quite that much in the wealth of their betters, but I had the fellows at the accounting firm provide a certified note declaring that I have been quite wealthy during the entire time in question, and that as far as they are aware I have partaken in no criminal acts against the tax code, at least none of any consequence. That should end the matter nicely.
Also provided to the commoners: a notation of my excellent health, provided by a doctor. I have also suggested to the staff that we provide recent tune-up reports on all the family cars, as I find the character of a man can best be judged by the amount of money he is willing to spend on caring for his automobiles.
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