That time Paul Ryan was a 'moderate' on abortion? Just kidding!

Must be a relief to get to be a proud extremist again Being Mitt Romney's running mate and sacrificial lamb sure did suck for Paul Ryan. And not just because the not-so-dynamic duo experienced a shellshocking-to-Republicans-only defeat on Election Day.

No, the hardest thing about being Romney's little buddy must have been all those times Ryan was forced by the campaign to pretend to take what Republicans consider the "moderate" position on reproductive rights'that is, that abortion is wrong in all cases unless you've been raped or your pregnancy will kill you, in which case it's still wrong but maybe, just maybe, if you beg and plead and prove you're not a fickle slut, well, maybe it's less wrong. Because that's what passes for moderate in today's Republican Party.

Until joining the Romney ticket, Ryan had been very proud of his uber-extremist record in the House when it came to legislating vaginas and hating women. He boasted in 2010 that he was "as pro-life as a person gets." He'd earned a perfect score from the National Right to Life Committee. And he didn't just vote for those bills; he helped lead the charge:

Paul Ryan co-sponsored the Sanctity of Life Act, which defines a fertilized egg as a person and grants it "all the legal and constitutional attributes and privileges of personhood." No exceptions.

Paul Ryan also co-sponsored HR 3, the "No Taxpayer Funding for Abortion" bill in which Republicans tried to redefine rape so that it only applied to "forcible" rape so those fake rape victims would stop exploiting loopholes to cash in on fabulous gifts and prizes. Republicans pulled that part out of the bill so everyone would stop criticizing them, and then they tried to sneak it back in anyway.

But being on Romney's ticket meant he had to downplay his extremism to try to appeal to those very people Ryan was so used to openly and blatantly hating. Among the many indignities he suffered, he had to pretend to distance himself from his ideological soulmate, the now former Rep. Todd Akin, with whom he voted 93 percent of the time. When Akin explained last August that women have magic lady parts that can detect and deflect legitimate rape sperm, and therefore, no woman should be permitted to have an abortion, even in those circumstances that "moderate" Republicans deem slightly less hell-worthy, Ryan of course agreed with his friend because that's his position too. After all, according to Ryan, rape is just "a method of conception." Yet Ryan was forced to condemn Akin and his comments.

Well, now that Ryan has been freed from the shackles of the campaign, he can go back to being the fervent lady-hater he always was. Politico reports:

The Susan B. Anthony List announced Friday that the House Budget Committee chairman and former vice presidential nominee will be the keynote speaker at its annual gala in April.

In a statement, Ryan said he's honored to be giving the keynote for an organization 'leading the charge to protect life at all stages.'

'I am committed to working with the SBA List and all Americans to defend the dignity of every human life and protect the freedom of conscience and religion,' Ryan said.

Guess Romney's penchant for flip-flopping rubbed off on Ryan just a tad. Of course, Ryan's claim that he cares about "the dignity of every human life" isn't exactly true. Sure, Ryan loves those little fetuses'they look like beans, you know'but he doesn't care much for the dignity of post-born human life. Women? Children? The elderly? The poor? Screw those moochers. In Ryan's bizarre interpreation of the Bible, Jesus said those deadbeats should just pull themselves up by their own bootstraps. And Ryan didn't back away from that, even when the Catholic bishops'you know, the leaders of Ryan's own church, the church he's so determined to protect'officially denounced Ryan's budget specifically because it targeted the most vulnerable among us, did not defend the dignity of every human life, and made Jesus cry. That's when Ryan decided that it is okay to "respectfully disagree" with the church on certain matters like taxing the poor to protect the rich. Just not when it comes to ladyparts. That's when the Church's positions are sacrosanct, and if you disagree, you're infringing those bishops' religious freedom.

Ryan's been pretty quiet since last November's ass-kicking, no doubt P90Xing to Led Zeppelin as he tries to unskew his shock. It's nice to see that he's finally recovering and feeling like his old, lady-hating self again, ready to resume his leadership role in the Republican War on Women'and assuring that the gaping gender gap that helped deliver defeat to Republicans won't be shrinking any time soon.