Five things to look for in articles about five things to look for in tonight's debate

If you are like most people, you are probably wondering how to best evaluate that debate that you are about to watch, but have not yet watched because it has not happened yet. Fear not: CNN will provide you with the Five things to watch for in Tuesday's debate. If you're not a fan of CNN, however, other outlets have you covered:

• CNN: Five things to watch for in Tuesday's debate ' The prototypical entry, classic in form and mostly substance-free.
• Politico: 5 things to watch at the debate ' A far lengthier version of the same basic concept.
• AP: 5 things to watch for in presidential debate ' A postcard version in which any subtle mentions of actual issues that other news outlets might have let slip in have been, in usual AP editorial form, clubbed to death like a baby seal.
• NPR: 5 Questions 'Real' People Might Ask At The Debate ' An imagining of actual issues actual people might ask, but one that does not take into account efforts by debate organizers to pre-filter any questions with substance because everybody knows Americans do not want to hear about those things. They want to hear about fiscal cliffs and deficits and which candidate can best gut longstanding social programs because America has grown far too incompetent to effectively manage such things anymore.
• Washington Post: What to watch for tonight ' Short. Slightly less seal clubbing.
• Current: 6 reasons why tonight's rematch is must-see TV ' An immediately disqualifying entry, because everybody knows there are never more than five things to watch for in a debate. We're not made of time here, Current.

A well trod genre, I see, but it reminded me that what we really need is an article about the five things to look for in post-debate punditry about the debate. How will we know which pundits are properly evaluating who won the debate, unless we have a checklist (one hand worth of digits only, please) to keep track?

So here we go. For your post-debate needs, here are the criteria the punditry will be using to evaluate each candidate's performance. Use this guide to determine whether your pundit is truly delivering quality punditry.

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